STAYING CURIOUS

Song for Today: "Brand New Shoes" by: Paolo Nutini

Every day is a new battle. Every moment is a choice. You can choose to feel one way or another about something. You can choose how you react regardless of your feelings. But sometimes, because of pride, or insecurities, or lack of understanding, our emotions get the best of us. My journey for the past 3 months has been a tough one. I've decided to conquer my insecurities. I've had dreams about being chased by some entity, and recently in those dreams I've begun to turn around and decide to fight. I feel like this is my brain's way of coping with the new way of thinking I've adopted. There are numerous strategies I've incorporated into my day to day living and my reactions, that have begun a shift in my emotions. One of those strategies is staying curious.

Curiosity is healthy, inherent, and humbling. Now, I'm not talking about being curious about drug abuse, or experimenting and getting weird sexually. God gave you wisdom for a reason. Use it. I'm talking about being willing to admit that you don't know everything, and feeling good about it. You have so many amazing experiences ahead of you! be humble enough to ask questions (this is also a great way to get to know people. People LOVE to talk about themselves). Being adventurous means different things to different people. Maybe you've never rented a movie from a Red Box machine, GO NUTS! Maybe you've never been on a zip line, HAVE FUN! Maybe you'd like to know what a five star restaurant is like, MODERATION! (seriously though, make sure you can afford it).

"Don't be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the LORD and turn away from evil"

-Proverbs 3:7 (NLT)

Explore! Learn! Go ask that girl to dance! Be the first one to sing karaoke! Try a new flavor of coffee! Inevitably you'll come across things you don't like, or things you're not good at, but don't worry about it! Now you know!

If you can't tell, I'm pretty excited about this. This revelation brought tremendous freedom and life to me. Especially in a place where everything is cold and dark (physically and spiritually). It also gave me the freedom to admit I'm a newbie at life, the humility to speak up about questions I have or things I've never heard of. And now, all of a sudden, I have no reason to be insecure because I'm excited to learn something new.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

Song for Today: "Open Arms" by: Elbow

When you're told something about yourself as a child, you tend to believe it even if it's a lie. And when you grow up being told a lie, that lie gets played over and over again in your head. It can limit you or prevent you from being who you were meant to be. It can hinder relationships, opportunities and even creativity. It can cause unnecessary stress and impossible expectations. It can leave you wondering "what's wrong with me?" I know I've spent a lot of time talking about insecurities, but if you are unaware of the root, than you are just pacifying the symptoms. Insecurities are unwarranted, unwelcome, and untrue.

"For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope"

-Jeremiah 29:11

You have to confront the lie, call it a lie, and recognize that you actually are capable of great things. You have dreams, and maybe you wondered how it's possible that you could dream so big, because maybe you don't think you're capable. Realize that your up-bringing doesn't define you, what people say doesn't define you, you're self worth comes from within.

Awkwardness needs to flee because all of a sudden you are yourself, not what society tells you to be. Absent-mindedness needs to flee because your ideas are meaningful and potentially world-changing. And most of all, Insecurities need to flee because confidence is found within. When Christ lives in you, you are always capable of your full potential.

Don't use your past as an excuse, use it as a testimony. Start today. It's never too late to do something great! There's always hope. Just ask.

CONFIDENCE AND TRUTH

Song for Today: "I Am" by: Kirk Franklin

What is Confidence? And how do i get it? It's easy to appear confident. Well dressed, Smiling, Calm, Patient, all of these things are merely symptoms of confidence and easy to fake. It's like pretending you're sick when you're a kid to get out of school, you act the part, but when the thermometer comes out, so do the lies. Appearing calm, yet storming on the inside is not confidence. So I'm faced with the challenge of true confidence. Because honestly I don't feel confident all the time. Usually we feel the most confident when things are going our way, but that only lasts a moment and at the end of the day you have to face yourself. If your confidence is performance based, it will be a constant roller-coaster... there has to be more.

There's a belief that insecurities are a self-fulfilling prophecy. For instance, if you have a project to complete, but you feel insecure in your abilities, than you are no longer focused on the task at hand, but the reactions you're going to get when it's all said and done. On the other hand, when you are confident going into the project, all of a sudden you have energy, drive, passion for what's at hand, and you're excited to show off your abilities. There's a famous quote that goes like this: "If you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right".

I should mention here that I'm not talking about over confidence or pride. I learned that these characteristics have a repelling effect. Bragging, butting in, thinking overs are beneath you are not traits of true confidence. Proverbs tells us that Pride comes before a fall. We must be sober in our evaluation of ourselves. You see, when your self worth comes from outside sources, what society tells you, what people say about you, what car you drive, what job you have, how much money is in the bank, your current relationship status etc... You'll always be striving to please others, which will never satisfy you and only give you confidence when you're successful.

But when your self worth comes from within, you'll be confident even in the face of failure because you understand that life is a growing process and every failure is an opportunity to become better, and every success is proof of your growth. God has created each of us individually for a specific purpose and when we seek Him, He gives us our heart's desires (Psalm 37:4). Without Christ as your center, finding self-worth in the face of past hurts and failures is impossible. We have value because He paid the ultimate price for us when He died on the Cross. I'm not talking about a cross that hangs around the necks of hip-hop artists, I'm talking about an actual place, and an actual event in history that changed the path of the human race forever. And all it takes is believing in your heart and confessing with your mouth that Jesus is Lord. Recognize that without Him, there is no hope for salvation for me or for you. We are all imperfect and in need of a real savior. We all need refining. Today is your first step.

I'm only a product of His grace and refining. If you'd like to know more, I would be honored to answer any questions, or to just be there to listen. CONTACT me.

THINKING SOBERLY

Song for Today: "Mayfair Song" by: Air

What is an insecurity? It seems almost inevitable that imperfections, when pointed out, would make one insecure. And how do you tell the difference between someone just being a jerk, and something you should actually change? and what if it's something you CAN'T change? is it healthy to go around repeating mantras about how great you are? I believe in speaking life and not death, but I think everyone needs a dose of sober thinking about themselves.

That being said, no matter who you are, you have the potential for growth and leadership. We never stop growing as long as we are on earth. Thinking soberly about yourself is one thing, but using someone else as your standard is never a good idea. Everyone's strengths and weaknesses are different, and you will wear yourself out trying to be someone else. Be you, work on you, let them be them. I believe that insecurities come when we start comparing ourselves to others. This can be a hard habit to break, but freedom is available to everyone. When you accept Christ as the standard, you realize how futile comparisons are. That doesn't mean self-improvement is futile by any means, it simply means that you don't have to be perfect! AMAZING HUH?!?!

IN THE ATMOSPHERE

Song for Today: "Slow Your Breath Down" by: Future of Forestry

It's been a little while. I know. I've been... preoccupied  :)

"...but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

- 1 Corinthians 13:11b

I'm back to encouragement. It's no easy task. Especially when everyone around you seems set on bringing you down, or turning your ideas into problems, or drowning you in negativity. There's something in the atmosphere hat gives people no hope. It's unfortunate that people get stuck in a "dead end" state of mind because they see very little to look forward to.

keep perceptive.

keep focus.

Recognize the lesson in today, realize you're building something for the future. I'm having to remind myself of these facts constantly. Remind myself not only what I know I'm capable of, but that ultimately my life is submitted to God's plan.

http://www.accd.org/

POSITIVE TRUTHS

Song for Today: "Flight Test" by: The Flaming Lips

I read an article today about people who are bi-polar. Apparently the most successful cases are those of patients who believe they have some amount of control over their emotions. Now, I'm not bi-polar (or am I? ...kidding, I'm not) But this article was extremely encouraging. It put legs to what I've been trying to accomplish in myself, controlling my emotions.

I'm not talking about not being lead by your emotions, I'm talking about using the power of your mind to conquer negative, hurtful, or wrong emotions. ITS AWESOME. Every time I feel insecure I'll start talking (sometimes internally) positive truths about myself. I'm funny, I have nice hair, I'm awesome at the bass guitar etc... try it!

Also I've found that mornings are crucial. Every morning I wake up I meditate on 3 things I'm thankful for and the love of God.

The brain is fun.

BOARDING UP THE WINDOWS

Song for Today: "Northern Lights" by: Super Furry Animals

I've had a revelation. I am in control of my emotions. I can CHOOSE what I feel. but the problem is sometimes I think I want to be upset. go figure.

I can get desperately lonely out here. I've been brought to the point of tears because of loneliness more than once since I've been here and it's all because I chose to feel it. Yes I'm lonely, but is dwelling on it helping me at all? probably not. Hurricane Irene is a perfect illustration of these storm like emotions. People were freaking out big time before she hit the coast. and now that she's here... well... lets just say that boarding up the windows was a bit much.

I'm over-reacting just like the people over-reacting about the storm. If you spend your life avoiding risk, you'll never try anything.

View this video on the VIDEO page.

TO CALM MY MIND

Song for Today: "You See Everything" by: Low

I slept like a tornado last night.

Every once in a while when there's a million and a half things going on in my life, my brain won't shut off. It runs through every conceivable outcome of things past, present and future. This prevents me from getting any kind of sleep, even restless sleep would be nice, but relief won't come. I continuously think about employment, relationships, insecurities, responsibilities, the list goes on and on. I went to bed around 10:30 last night, and the last time I checked before I FINALLY fell asleep it was 3:30 am. I was lying wide awake in my bed for 5 hours.

The sad thing is, this isn't a new thing for me. Usually I have to really try to calm my mind before falling asleep. What does that mean? do I think too much? should I think less? and how does one think less? just accept things for what they are and not read into them?

There I go over-thinking about over-thinking... I bet if I spent less time and energy analyzing I could spend more time and energy on other important things. Like creativity. Wouldn't that be something... but how?

Does anybody know?

EVERY RIDICULOUS PLACE

Song for Today: "Sometimes" by: Donkeyboy
I know... I'm on a Donkeyboy kick...

Never burn bridges. You never know when you'll need the help of the most insignificant people in your life.

I got on my bike this morning and dropped my resume off at every ridiculous place I could think of. even if they weren't hiring, I'd speak to the manager and let them know what I can do, you never know what they need done. I came upon a little store I used to work at when I was in high school and low and behold they were not only hiring in the store, but they were looking for some help with their website... interesting how God just gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it (and not a moment sooner).

I'm still working on keeping myself encouraged through this time. It's still a difficult concept to grasp. Forgiveness that I don't need to earn. I've been saved for 6 years and I'm still in awe of God's goodness and mercy. I've also discovered that exorcise makes you feel good about yourself.

Candy helps too.

FAMILY

Have grace with your family. It's the only one you've got.

HOW QUICKLY AND DEEPLY

I've been here less than 36 hours and I already miss Austin. I'm not regretting the decision to come out here, this is a great opportunity for me. And I knew that I would miss my home, I guess I'm just amazed at how quickly and how deeply I miss it!

Keeping myself encouraged in this time is the key. I have no one around to do it for me, to pick me up when I fall, and that's a good thing. All I have is my relationship with God to push me. I've never needed Him like this before and it's scary. How do you seek God in such a spiritually dry place? persistently.

short post today, but I made a little video in Boston. Check it out in the "VIDEO" tab, or just watch it here (lazy):

MY STORY, STARTING NOW

Song for Today: "Ambitions" by: Donkeyboy

Well... Here I am. And here I will be for the next 6 months. It's an interesting contradiction, this place. It's very peaceful, quiet, serene etc... But I feel so much heartache being here. I don't want to spend too much time dwelling on it because it's easy to get caught up in the emotions and memories. This room used to be my room, this house used to be my house.

But I'm here for a purpose. And nothing is going to distract me from that purpose. I've let go of the past and I'm moving forward. It doesn't matter what happened 6 years ago, 6 months ago, or 6 days ago. I have the power to write my story starting now.

I'm going to expect this experience to be life altering. Like boot camp (with more sleep hopefully)

Goodbye Austin, Hello Boston.

COOKIE JAR

It's interesting to think that on that airplane there were about 200-ish people who I will (more than likely) never see again. People are so tame. What if I just jumped up and sang a show tune, or started juggling, or began a chorus of "who stole the cookie from the cookie jar." I mean, people are different, some would jump in, but what is stopping the others from having a little fun? fear? insecurity? Come to think of it, what would I do in that situation. I'd like to say that I would join in, but you don't really know until someone starts singing.

well. my next flight is boarding... just thought I'd share :)

"RETHINK MY LIFE" PLAYLIST

Just some thinking music. a few songs are actually relevant to drastic change, some are just for relaxation. I've been listening to this playlist while packing, running errands, getting ready etc...

If you don't have Spotify, get it. it's amazing: Spotify

Click and enjoy!

CHARACTER AND PERSPECTIVE

I haven't left yet... at least not physically.
I'm having some second thoughts about this whole ordeal.
Actually, some of you still may not really know what's going on. Let me take this opportunity to inform you, and perhaps along the way I'll come to some conclusions of my own.

first of all, I'm not irresponsible. I am not just the sum of bad choices I've made. I got into debt just like millions of other people before me. But I've decided to actually do something drastic about it. I've decided to live at my parents house with no rent, work until everything is paid off, and in the mean time take a break. You'd do the same.

I won't be gone forever, in fact I plan on returning no later that February of 2012. During this time though, I'll be on a mental sabbatical (time of rest) and I believe that God is going to do some major work in my character and perspective. And when I return I want to have greater vision for the future and a drive to push for my dreams.

I leave Thursday morning. I guess the pros outweigh the cons of cold weather, transportation, the fear of the unknown etc.

I've made my decision.