BOARDING UP THE WINDOWS

Song for Today: "Northern Lights" by: Super Furry Animals

I've had a revelation. I am in control of my emotions. I can CHOOSE what I feel. but the problem is sometimes I think I want to be upset. go figure.

I can get desperately lonely out here. I've been brought to the point of tears because of loneliness more than once since I've been here and it's all because I chose to feel it. Yes I'm lonely, but is dwelling on it helping me at all? probably not. Hurricane Irene is a perfect illustration of these storm like emotions. People were freaking out big time before she hit the coast. and now that she's here... well... lets just say that boarding up the windows was a bit much.

I'm over-reacting just like the people over-reacting about the storm. If you spend your life avoiding risk, you'll never try anything.

View this video on the VIDEO page.

TO CALM MY MIND

Song for Today: "You See Everything" by: Low

I slept like a tornado last night.

Every once in a while when there's a million and a half things going on in my life, my brain won't shut off. It runs through every conceivable outcome of things past, present and future. This prevents me from getting any kind of sleep, even restless sleep would be nice, but relief won't come. I continuously think about employment, relationships, insecurities, responsibilities, the list goes on and on. I went to bed around 10:30 last night, and the last time I checked before I FINALLY fell asleep it was 3:30 am. I was lying wide awake in my bed for 5 hours.

The sad thing is, this isn't a new thing for me. Usually I have to really try to calm my mind before falling asleep. What does that mean? do I think too much? should I think less? and how does one think less? just accept things for what they are and not read into them?

There I go over-thinking about over-thinking... I bet if I spent less time and energy analyzing I could spend more time and energy on other important things. Like creativity. Wouldn't that be something... but how?

Does anybody know?

EVERY RIDICULOUS PLACE

Song for Today: "Sometimes" by: Donkeyboy
I know... I'm on a Donkeyboy kick...

Never burn bridges. You never know when you'll need the help of the most insignificant people in your life.

I got on my bike this morning and dropped my resume off at every ridiculous place I could think of. even if they weren't hiring, I'd speak to the manager and let them know what I can do, you never know what they need done. I came upon a little store I used to work at when I was in high school and low and behold they were not only hiring in the store, but they were looking for some help with their website... interesting how God just gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it (and not a moment sooner).

I'm still working on keeping myself encouraged through this time. It's still a difficult concept to grasp. Forgiveness that I don't need to earn. I've been saved for 6 years and I'm still in awe of God's goodness and mercy. I've also discovered that exorcise makes you feel good about yourself.

Candy helps too.

FAMILY

Have grace with your family. It's the only one you've got.

HOW QUICKLY AND DEEPLY

I've been here less than 36 hours and I already miss Austin. I'm not regretting the decision to come out here, this is a great opportunity for me. And I knew that I would miss my home, I guess I'm just amazed at how quickly and how deeply I miss it!

Keeping myself encouraged in this time is the key. I have no one around to do it for me, to pick me up when I fall, and that's a good thing. All I have is my relationship with God to push me. I've never needed Him like this before and it's scary. How do you seek God in such a spiritually dry place? persistently.

short post today, but I made a little video in Boston. Check it out in the "VIDEO" tab, or just watch it here (lazy):

MY STORY, STARTING NOW

Song for Today: "Ambitions" by: Donkeyboy

Well... Here I am. And here I will be for the next 6 months. It's an interesting contradiction, this place. It's very peaceful, quiet, serene etc... But I feel so much heartache being here. I don't want to spend too much time dwelling on it because it's easy to get caught up in the emotions and memories. This room used to be my room, this house used to be my house.

But I'm here for a purpose. And nothing is going to distract me from that purpose. I've let go of the past and I'm moving forward. It doesn't matter what happened 6 years ago, 6 months ago, or 6 days ago. I have the power to write my story starting now.

I'm going to expect this experience to be life altering. Like boot camp (with more sleep hopefully)

Goodbye Austin, Hello Boston.

COOKIE JAR

It's interesting to think that on that airplane there were about 200-ish people who I will (more than likely) never see again. People are so tame. What if I just jumped up and sang a show tune, or started juggling, or began a chorus of "who stole the cookie from the cookie jar." I mean, people are different, some would jump in, but what is stopping the others from having a little fun? fear? insecurity? Come to think of it, what would I do in that situation. I'd like to say that I would join in, but you don't really know until someone starts singing.

well. my next flight is boarding... just thought I'd share :)

"RETHINK MY LIFE" PLAYLIST

Just some thinking music. a few songs are actually relevant to drastic change, some are just for relaxation. I've been listening to this playlist while packing, running errands, getting ready etc...

If you don't have Spotify, get it. it's amazing: Spotify

Click and enjoy!

CHARACTER AND PERSPECTIVE

I haven't left yet... at least not physically.
I'm having some second thoughts about this whole ordeal.
Actually, some of you still may not really know what's going on. Let me take this opportunity to inform you, and perhaps along the way I'll come to some conclusions of my own.

first of all, I'm not irresponsible. I am not just the sum of bad choices I've made. I got into debt just like millions of other people before me. But I've decided to actually do something drastic about it. I've decided to live at my parents house with no rent, work until everything is paid off, and in the mean time take a break. You'd do the same.

I won't be gone forever, in fact I plan on returning no later that February of 2012. During this time though, I'll be on a mental sabbatical (time of rest) and I believe that God is going to do some major work in my character and perspective. And when I return I want to have greater vision for the future and a drive to push for my dreams.

I leave Thursday morning. I guess the pros outweigh the cons of cold weather, transportation, the fear of the unknown etc.

I've made my decision.